#15

Crier Quotes

"Make your own damn sandwich”
- Susan B. Anthony

Feature

Connecticut Woman’s Thumb Accused of “Green Face” After Garden Is Revealed to Be “Just Okay”

The Lede:

A Connecticut woman garnered national attention, amassing over 1.4 million followers across all platforms and hundreds of thousands in advertising dollars, for her “Sprout It From the Rooftops” instructional videos, but when a local access TV interview caught a glimpse of her garden without the glam of filters, people started asking questions.

A picture says a thousand words

A picture from ‘04 resurfaced of the woman, then an undergrad at the University of Tennessee Chattanooga, in which the color of her thumbs clearly match the rest of her hand. Then, in early 2020, at the height of the pandemic and the launch of her instructional series, a photo shows the woman smiling with thumbs that are almost radioactively green. Social media has cried foul as followers of her accounts noticed the difference and began posting the two images side by side with the hashtag #culturevulture. Twitter users expressed their distaste on a spectrum from disappointment to rage. One user said, “It’s just another example of our culture being ripped off and sold for profit - at this point, I’m numb to it,” another offering, “It’s like when you’re a kid and find out that Santa isn’t real.” Some, however, were more aggressive, with one user exclaiming “reap what you sow B****!”

A reputation soiled

The revelation has sent advertisers running, as Scotts, Husqvarna, and Lowes have all pulled their sponsorships. All three have put out statements saying that they were unaware of the deception at the time they entered into their partnerships, but in the future, will make a conscious effort to promote thumbs of color. The chairperson of the Home Owners Society of Excellence, or HOSE, has rebuked the woman in a public statement, saying, “Green Face has no place in our society and it will not be tolerated. We stand in solidarity with those whose thumbs are truly green. Actions will be taken to rectify this injustice.”

The fallout

HOSE has since imposed the organization’s highest penalty by “cutting off the water” - an act equivalent to the ban levied on Major League Baseball's Pete Rose. As for the woman, her life has essentially been uprooted - Her husband was fired from his job - The kids have been pulled out of school after 7 consecutive days of having their lockers “mulched” - and her front door was spray-painted with the word “pollinizer” in green.

Miscellaneous

• A recent Harris poll found 50% of working Americans are looking to make career changes because of the pandemic, with a majority saying they're in search of more flexible jobs. When asked what their ideal work schedule would be, 94% described unemployment.
• Two men who went out for a quick fishing trip ended up lost at sea for a month after a storm blew them 250 miles off course. In true Hollywood fashion, their story has already been picked up by a major studio and will be optioned under the title "Broke Back Island."
• During a performance of the "Sadko" opera in Russia, a performer was crushed onstage by falling scenery and died. Russian critics called the show "a must-see comedy."
• A group of children in New Zealand discovered a new species of penguin. The new species - named Waewaeroa - meaning "long legs" - lived between 27.3 million and 34.6 million years ago and stood 5 feet tall. The fossils went under intense scrutiny before being published because a few years ago this same group of kids claimed to have dug up the long-legged penguins only later to find out it was just a sunbathing Danny Devito.
• In discussing DC Comics' announcement that Superman's son, Johnathan, is bisexual, a Fox News contributor said he wants his superheroes to "get the bad guys" and "not a venereal disease." He then continued, saying he hopes DC will go back to the good old days of comics where the Joker would tie up Batman and make him watch what he does to Robin.
• The White House announced it's opening the Northern and Southern land borders next month to nonessential travel. The decision was given 5/5 flatbed trucks by Human Trafficking Monthly.
• In her new book Going There, Katie Couric revealed she edited a 2016 interview with the late Ruth Bader Ginsburg to protect the Justice from the possible backlash of calling those who kneel for the national anthem "dumb and disrespectful." And if you think that's bad, Couric says it pales in comparison to the transcripts of Ginsburg's frequent emails with Jon Gruden.