#50

Crier Quotes

“I’ve performed in front of thousands of adoring fans, but there’s no greater rush than shoplifting.”
- Adele

Feature

Woman “Quiet Working” Earns Promotion, Raise, Stock Options

BOSTON — It’s never easy going against the culture, but local woman Susan Walcott has done just that by “quiet working” her way to a promotion, earning a significant raise, stock options, three weeks extra PTO, and overall feelings of accomplishment, belonging, and purpose. “No one saw this coming,” said her company’s head of human resources Brian Locke, “Susan just kept her head down and worked. She was punctual, proactive, and attentive to client needs. She made helpful suggestions during our all-hands meetings and was the first to volunteer to help organize happy hour. And through it all, she never once brought attention to herself. She “quiet worked” her ass off, and we’re all the better for it.”

“There were signs that Susan was different,” says Walcott's manager Talitha Philips, “All without intentionally putting the spotlight on herself, she would do little things like physically come into the office, say good morning to co-workers and take an interest in their lives outside of work, and she’d always finish everything she had to do for the day before checking with her teams and signing off, you know, things you just don’t see anyone else doing. It’s been refreshing.”

It’s too early to say if “quiet working” is going to catch on among her peers, but Walcott says she sees a future where everyone quietly does their job.

At the sending of this newsletter, Walcott was seen polishing the 7-foot mahogany executive desk in her new corner office.

Miscellaneous

• California lawmakers passed legislation requiring all employers based or hiring in the state to post salary ranges on all job listings. And in Hollywood, movie studios are required to post both base salary and harassment settlement.
• There’s a new way to campaign: texting. Political Campaigns have already sent 90.5 million texts this election cycle, including some 68 million from Democrats and around 23 million from Republicans. Of the 68 million texts from democrats 67 million were “You up?” From Bill Clinton.
• Temperatures in Death Valley set a new record high for heat at 127 Fahrenheit. Meteorologists say an hour in the valley will do to your skin what a pizza roll does to your tongue.
• Scientists in Spain have unlocked the genetic code of the "immortal jellyfish" — a creature capable of repeatedly reverting into a juvenile state — in hopes of unearthing the secret to their unique longevity, and find new clues to human aging. The scientific community calls the study a “breakthrough” — because up until now, the only thing we’ve learned from jellyfish is other uses for human pee.
• According to the Associated Press, Jehovah’s Witnesses have restarted their door-to-door ministry after more than two and a half years on hiatus due to the coronavirus pandemic — So far, the home visits are nearly 100% effective in converting Americans back into the office.
• The all-women social club/co-working space “The Wing” is closing all its locations after employees came forward, describing a drastic disconnect between the pro-women rhetoric that was touted publicly and the treatment of employees behind the scenes. According to employees, you don’t need to have one to be a dick.
• In New York City, around 36 blocks surrounding Times Square will now be declared a gun-free zone. The Mayor says the other 150 blocks outside the zone will be referred to as “The Killing Fields.”
• President Obama took home the Emmy for "outstanding narrator" of a Netflix series, “Our National Parks.” After winning the award, tears streamed down the former president’s face, as he told reporters, “This is undoubtedly the greatest honor of my life.” Obama is now halfway to joining 17 entertainers who have an EGOT — an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar and a Tony. And it was just reported he’s signed on as guest lead for a 10-week run in CATS.
• CVS Health Corp has reached a deal to buy healthcare payment platform Signify Health. When asked why they’d buy a payment platform, CVS executives’s eyes rolled to the back of their heads in ecstasy as they said in unison, “receipts.”
• Bloomberg Business reports women staying single and not having kids are getting richer. Single, childless women say the excess money is used to buy sugar which they say helps with the bitterness.
• A coffee shop in North Carolina that doubles as a foster home for rescued cats celebrated its 1,000th adoption last week. The cafe said it has placed the 1,000 rescues in the homes of almost three different women.
• Axios visual journalist Erin Davis found that across more than 1,300 U.S. place names, 900 were more common in their home states than the rest of the country — like babies named “Tex” in Texas and “Virginia” in Virginia. With that in mind, we’d like to take a moment to welcome into the world a newborn baby girl from Hooker, Oklahoma.